Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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