Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
