The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
