I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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