Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
