I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i think i just lost a toe
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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