Whod you bang
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
