I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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