I want to stick my p in your. b.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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