I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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