I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
