you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
