its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
