Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
