Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
operation harelip BJ is a go
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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