my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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