Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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