is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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