You're my little dorito
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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