I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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