Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
