Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
