you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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