She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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