grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
