I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
