Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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