PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Randomize
