she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Randomize
