Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
