I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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