you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
