I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
