So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
