I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
