can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
