were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
