my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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