yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize