Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
