You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Randomize
