It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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