Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
