we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
