I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
