Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I checked into jail on foursquare
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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