So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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