she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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