dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
