dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
