I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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