Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
