im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
