I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
