You can't special order awesome
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
