remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
As shirtless as possible
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
