well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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