Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I will be naked everywhere
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize