I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
