With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
