after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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