Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
