i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
