Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
