Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
