her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
