I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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