I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize