My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Terrible idea I love it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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