peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
