I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
