Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
