why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
