Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Found your dick twin last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
