i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
