oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
