Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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