90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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