angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
false alarm, still single
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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