My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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