oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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