Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
