Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
worst night to have a conscience
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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