no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
